Can anyone give me brief feedback on the first page of my (not very edited) story? (Please)

Can anyone give me brief feedback on the first page of my (not very edited) story? (Please) I am not vey good at self-evaluating, and I am not the best writer, either. I just need some really brief feedback to see how I am going. The story falls under preteen fiction, about middle school. So, if you would like to give me the priveledge of having yourself as an evaluator, I will e-mail you a small paragraph of the story. Thanks!